We share the same pain

Yesterday I took my wife for the ultra sound and what resulted was another of those funny conversations. The doc doing the ultrasound is the wife of the doc whom we generally visit.

Doc (female): You have two small stones.

Wifey: Why do these stones come up?

Doc (female): Just so that docs can earn money.

Wifey: Haha, but seriously why do they come up?

Doc (female): Seriously, just so that docs can earn money.

Me: WTF!!!

So we take the report and move onto the next room to see our usual doc.

My car is allergic to vanilla ice cream

Since yesterday this problem kept coming to my mind and therefore I had to write about it. Being a QA person, I tend to face strange behavior in applications which sometimes does not have any explanations. Here is the story regarding one such strange behavior of a car being allergic to a particular flavor of ice cream

A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:

This is the second time I have written you, and I don’t blame you
for not answering me, because I kind of sounded crazy, but it is a
fact that we have a tradition in our family of ice cream for dessert
after dinner each night. But the kind of ice cream varies so, every
night, after we’ve eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice
cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It’s
also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my
trips to the store have created a problem. You see, every time I buy
vanilla ice cream, when I start back from the store my car won’t
start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just
fine. I want you to know I’m serious about this question, no matter
how silly it sounds: ‘What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not
start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get
any other kind?’”

Papa… Mumma chai….

Everyday my kid wakes up at around 530 AM. Yes, thats earlier than even my alarm clock’s sound and the first thing he does is wake me up by saying ‘Papa Papa…Mumma chai…’

Basically what he means is ‘Dad get up and make bed tea for mom’.

And my wife cribs that he cares for me more than her…

A romantic question

It was one fine weekend and my wife made idlis for everyone in the family which we all enjoyed to the fullest. Next day was Monday, day to start going to office again and my wife packed idlis for breakfast which I decided to have in my car along with my car pool friends.

So for the sake of reference lets call me (driving the car) as me, guy sitting right next to me as Guy 1 and 3 guys sitting behind us as Guy2, Guy 3 and Guy 4.

Pichkoo Sauce

When I reached home yesterday, an interesting conversation took place.

Wifey: सारे किये कराये पे क्या फेर दिया?

Kid: पान्ठा (thats how my kid pronounces परांठा )

Wifey: किसने फेर दिया?

Kid: नन्हू ने (नन्हू is how my kid refers to boys little older than him)

Wifey: कौनसे नन्हू ने

Kid: मोटे नन्हू ने

All I could do is watch both of them and smile

PS: If you have seen the Pichkoo sauce ad, you would be able to relate to this conversation better.

These commandos can get on a moving bus

This is another of my car pool tales.

I am driving my car as usual and there is a jeep that crosses us which was full of black commandos.

Guy 1: These commandos are very well trained. They can get on a moving bus.

Me: Why would they want to get on a moving bus?

Guy 1: Just in case they encounter terrorists.

Me: Thats some training man. They are trained to jump onto a moving bus as soon as they encounter some terrorists. Would definitely help them run away.

And since then whenever we see commandos on the road, we are always reminded of their ability of getting on a moving bus.

Its Raining Cats and Dogs and Frogs and Old Women?

These past few days I have seen the phrase ‘Its raining cats and dogs‘ many a times and it made me wonder how can it rain cats and dogs. And so I went on a quest to find out and here are my findings:

• Dogs were attendants to Odin, the god of storms and sailors associated them with rains. Witches often take the form of cats and supposedly rode the winds and so the association. But there is no evidence for the same.
• In 1500s roofs of houses were made of thick straw and would be a good place for pets to warm themselves and during rains they would slip and fall off the roof. Though its highly unlikely if they would stay on the roof if the weather is not good.
• Greek word katadoupoi and French word catadupe mean waterfall but give no reference to dogs unless there were words dogadoupoi or dagadupe.
• Jonathan Swift’s ‘A Complete Collection of Polite and Ingenious Conversation‘ uses this phrase which might suggest that he himself might have created it.
• In 17th/18th century England, heavy rain would generally result in dead animals (cats and dogs) and debris floating by giving an ugly sight. Since Swift had alluded to these streets, it is highly probable that bad sanitation was the origin of this phrase.
• There is actually a meteorological phenomenon ‘raining animals‘ which might result in fish, frogs and birds falling from the sky along with the rain. The strong winds traveling over water pick up fishes and frogs and carry them along for several miles and they drop down along with the rains. But still there is no reference to cats and dogs. There have been incidents where fish, frogs, worms and even cow have been seen dropping on to the ground but no recorded incidents of cats or dogs. It is also said that The Rain of Fish is a yearly phenomenon in Honduras.

But the most interesting part of the quest was that it just does not rain cats and dogs, it can rain nails, cobblers knives, axes, crowbars and even old ladies/women. Unbelievable? Here is a list of phrases in different languages (via Wikipedia):

• French: il pleut des hallebardes (“it is raining halberds”), clous (“nails”), or cordes (“ropes”)
• Serbian: padaju sekire (“axes”)
• Bosnian: padaju ćuskije (“crowbars”)
• Welsh: mae hi’n bwrw hen wragedd a ffyn (“old ladies and sticks”)
• Afrikaans: ou vrouens met knopkieries reen (“old women with clubs”)

And I thought only English phrases are funny.

By the way, there is also a song ‘Its Raining Men’. I wonder if there is anything that cannot rain.

Pizza Theorem

We all love pizza, don’t we.

So, what is the volume of a pizza with a radius z and thickness of a?

pi z z a (pi * z * z * a)

and this is called the pizza theorem.

My Favorite Tweets

Few of my pics from my tweets over past few days (actually past few ages…)

• all 3 of us smiling after reading d last tweet n still staring at our screens… priceless
• height of social n/wing @sajjan_chauhan n @kaustubh_b sitting in frnt of each othr n talking via tweets n me sitting nxt 2 thm tweeting ths
• some1 asked me… y cant we get hot chics… n i replied… not every leonard gets a penny….
• an apple a day keeps the doctor away… if the doctor is sexy keep the apple away…
• lolz http://twitpic.com/l82xm
• This is awesome parking or foolish parking?? http://twitpic.com/l821r
• Whts the point of digitally locking a phone set/line if I can check the password in history? #wierd
• if a close female friend says no… play an emotional card.. if u r saying no…hw u expect others to say yes.. thts called ‘sympathy vote’
• advantages of VIP movement.. if u r ahead of them…u’ll get a free passage….
• every1 i knw is either getting married or having babies… wht kind of recession is this???
• lolz….. luved the expression on @JuhiMunjal‘s face when @kaustubh_b said ‘thr is this really nice restaurant but its only a pick up place’
• frequency of a girl moving in front of you is directly proportional to her hotness
• Why do all spam emails assume I am a man having sexual problems?
• Santa divorced his wife on 1st night. Banta asked him the reason, Santa said, “Yaar ohdi panty te sticker laga si: OK/Tested. #lol
• I asked some1 if he needed ‘The Girlfriend Experience’. Then I had to clarify that I meant the movie not the real experience.
• impact of sponsorship: KOP fan decides nt 2 buy carlsberg frm nw on n get a stan chart credit card..i wud say wait till deal expires
• most of the men learn hw to dress well once they get a gf…coz she always choses their clothes
• while opening a Vicks wrapper… some1 said ‘meri fat to gayi hai nikal nahi rahi hai’ lolz……
• thought just came into my mind…. ‘there are no mistakes, just experiences’
• Law of marriages: All your close ones will have their marriages scheduled on the same day….
• Why Pandavs were only five while Kauravs were close to100?Because people with eyes have other things to do as well. #lol
• i heard a noise n my friend said it was someone farting… if tht was farting, we don’t need atom bombs….
• sum1 just rechristened me as “football news directory”. I’ll take tht as a complement. Wonder when I’ll b rechristened ‘football expert’
• i m developing a bad reputation….ppl r saying i m a gud boss….
• @kaustubh_b we need 2 invent a teleporter then we cud just go thr n grab a DCCF n come back 2 R seats….n as usual jus chill no work
• y do we crave for cold water right after hot tea/coffee???
• someone asked me.. y do we have to get married… n I said “peer pressure”
• a hot girl’s status msg “Wherever fate demands me… I will go.” I wish I was fate…
• TOI says condom free sex is good for mind….I reckon any sex is good for mind as long as its free…..
• whts with ppl sending fwd tht r like 4 pages long in a world whr info is shared in less thn 140 chars……
• n to top it all…my best friend sitting next to me…says I have a chudail type laugh….thts scary….for both him n me….
• I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places

One One One, गन्दा गन्दा गन्दा

Till last Saturday my idea of a Parent Teacher Meeting was a holiday or at max a trip with my parents to the school where the teacher would be pouring out complaints against me to my parents (I was a very naughty student you see, then who isn’t)

But this Saturday was my first visit to the Parent Teacher Meeting as a father. And I was wondering what would the comments be about my kid. Would they be good? Would they be bad? Was he already as naughty as I was? Was he good at studies? Was he behaving himself? I had no clue. In fact, this was the first time I would meet her teacher. My wife has met her but not me.

And when I entered the room, boy what a hot teacher she was. I wish I was her student. Lucky fellow my kiddo, already getting to play around with hot chicks (good he can’t read this post)… hehe…

Coming back to the comments about my kid:

• He sits on the same chair every day. If someone else sits on that chair, he asks the hot teacher to get him his seat. I guess that is because we have taught him to sit on his chair at home whenever the entire family is seated together for tea or anything else.
• He knows all the animals and means of transports. He recites them very quickly and then starts questioning the hot teacher regarding the same. That credit again goes to me and wifey who keep on teaching him the same whenever we see any vehicles or animals around. Who says teaching has to be inside a closed room always.
• He is not like usual kids who spill water and then jump into it for fun. When he sees spilled water, he says गन्दा गन्दा गन्दा (Dirty Dirty Dirty). This is something we have to cope with as well while feeding him anything. He stops eating if he feels something is stuck on his lips or around his lips.
• He repeats everything thrice. गन्दा गन्दा गन्दा (Dirty Dirty Dirty) is one example. And in fact his hot teacher now has a habit of repeating everything thrice. So to teach him ‘One’, she says ‘One, One, One’. Way to go kiddo. You are the first one in the family who has actually started teaching the teacher and that too a hot one. Lolz.
• And the final comment. He only plays with girls. I don’t understand why that was a problem. He is a guy and obviously would love girls and thus the behavior. Whats wrong with that? Actually the real reason is that all the kids around him close to our house are girls. There are no boys, so its not his fault.

So the PTM was another of those ‘kids!! sigh!!’ moment and left me and wifey with smiles.

By the way, on an engagement party afterwards, while eating kulfi (a form of ice cream) he said ‘aaichh cleam, yummy yummy’ (Ice Cream Yummy Yummy). We couldn’t help but smile on that.

And if my wife sees this post, she would definitely count how many times I have mentioned the hot teacher.